How do you deal with waiting?

Currently a trans guy in an unsupportive household, my mom watches me like a hawk. Every time I go shopping she asks to see everything and she checks my bank statements, and she does her best to stop me from buying anything affirming. Of course I get around it sometimes but its nearly impossible to get things that would really help my dysphoria like a binder, or some boxers. I don't have many friends, and all of my family I am in contact with I am closeted to as they are all trumpers, so I am constantly being deadnamed and misgendered by everyone save for my sister, partner, and best friend. My mother She hates the idea of me cutting my hair and she makes "compromises" with me that basically make it impossible for me to cut my hair. Right now I am not allowed to get my hair cut until may, it will be down to my shoulders by then. (She made me promise that so she would let me play minecraft late on night bro thats such a dumb thing to ask such a huge thing for 🙄🙄) I'm just so dysphoric. I cant get a haircut, I can't afforrd new clothes right now (the ones I have are very form fitting and feminine), I can't bind, I can't do anything affirming. I'm so dysphoric that I have become depressed and dissociated all the time and it just really blows. I hate being anywhere, I feel so angry and miserable all the time. I just feel so stuck. And it feels like a never ending cycle because the depression makes me too tired and apathetic to actually do the things I can to help my dysphoria. I feel bad because the constant dysphoria and the feelings it causes are causing me to push away or even lash out on the few people I have. I feel terrible. Even my username has my deaname and I cant change it 😭😭 my name is ethan.