I hate having to eat

I know this comes off as an eating disorder, but it's not. I just genuinely hate having to eat. I used to love to eat, but now the action of eating is disgusting. Everything feels heavy going down, and I realize how fake all our food is. Like I got the SO delicious brand dairy free cheddar style slices, and I ate a bite and immediately wanted to throw up. I realize how all our food looks like TOYS. Like the bright ass colors, the advertising (characters, flavors), the ultra perfect smoothness of things, it's like all of our food isn't real. It's airbrushed. But when I try to eat vegetables it's just so fucking hard. They're disgusting but in a different way. Plus, the thought of if I want to be healthy I have to cook. Every. Single. Day. For the rest of my life. It puts me in a depression and it's like I don't want to even live anymore. Not in a suicidal way but I want to be a soul floating in bliss, not ever having the urge to take a shit or the deep pit of hunger in my stomach that I ignore because I'm too fucking lazy and burnt out to cook. Especially with celiac disease AND lactose intolerance, it feels like hell all the time. My fucking gut is turnt off to food. Permanently. I don't feel like eating anymore. I have an extreme aversion to food, I biologically get hungry, but in my mind, I never want to touch another piece of food again. This leads me to almost vomiting every time I eat. My tastebuds have changed, and I can't explain it. I just feel like I'm changing spiritually, and it's scary. I have an extreme aversion to food now. What kind of spiritual message could that even mean? Am I looking too much into this? Do I have a mental illness? How can I enjoy eating again, and get back my energy to cook?