Roller Derby Regrets 😭

I was trying to be brave and try new things so I went to roller derby on Sunday. Roller Skating is something I’ve been wanting to learn for several years. Despite my parents trying to talk me out of going, I went anyway. I borrowed skates from the rink that were lower to the ground than mine. I didn’t even make it to the rink. I was literally trying to skate on the flat ground that was near the carpet (by mere inches!). I had my knees bent (Like I was supposed to & had someone teaching me) and was holding on to the wall. My leg slipped from the skate and fell just right for all this to happen. I broke the fibula and the tibia in my leg and needed surgery. I even had to get transferred from the hospital and ride in an ambulance. I had my surgery this morning. I’m NEVER skating again. I probably won’t be able to walk for 3 months. This means no more walking my dog (who is reactive). This is one of my favorite activities (taking walks with my dog). I don’t have any more sick days so I need to take it all unpaid. I’m worried my job will fire me. I don’t know how I’ll pay for all of this. I feel like I’m getting punished for some reason. I’ve needed a catheter put in twice (which felt incredibly violating and painful). I cried. My leg is in agony. My dad is so mad at me he yelled at me when he had to pick me up from the rink and someone called the cops on him. He won’t even visit me in the hospital or ask how I’m doing. I think he wishes I died in surgery. I already hated my father but I don’t think I can ever look at him the same way again. I can’t sleep because of the pain I’m in. I feel like life will never get any better and I will never escape this hell I’m living in. I miss my dog so much & worry my dad will give him away because I can’t walk him. I just don’t know what to do. Everything that can go wrong has. I am so miserable and depressed and hopeless. I almost wish I weren’t alive anymore. But I’ll keep living for my mom & my dog. I need to. For them.