Turning “But that’s your mother” comments back around on the old flying monkeys

This past week was the 40th anniversary of my nMom’s passing. I was on a call with some old friends and family who were around when everything blew up and I went vlc with her before she died. One person asked me for my side of the story and I gave them all the details in the dispassionate way that only a person with 40 years distance from the abuse can. (A friend says I talk about it in the same way that I talk about what I had for lunch yesterday.)

A female relative on the call -one of nMom’s most dedicated flying monkeys- kept butting in while I was talking about nMom’s behavior while I was growing up, “But that’s your mother. You shouldn’t talk like that about her.” I finally stopped what I was saying and asked her, “When (nMom) was saying all those terrible things about me to everyone in town did you stop her and say, ‘But that is your daughter. You shouldn’t talk like that about her’? No? Then don’t ask me to speak kindly about a person who never had a kind word about me.”

She was very, very quiet the rest of the call. One of their kids texted me wanting to know what I said to their mom because she’s been weepy since we had the call. I told them they should ask her because it wasn’t my week to be in charge of her emotions. Their kid told me that my crappy attitude is why the family doesn’t want to get close to me. I honestly don’t think I’m missing much.