Just venting.

I've kept it together. Now I've finally broke down. But quietly. My husband voted for him. We had a huge fight about it at the time. I didn't want politics to get in the way of our marriage. That's not why I married him.

When I question his beliefs, it goes nowhere. Each of us believes that the other is buying into the other side's propaganda.

He has spent his life on a computer. I have spent my life living in the world. My opinions are based on those experiences and so I find more value in them. Of course I would though, I'm biased.

He believes that the things he's researched are absolute fact. Every day it's a new false flag, a new liberal agenda. Groceries are expensive now and he couldn't vote for anyone else because they were all awful people... as opposed to who he chose. I ask to talk about something else and am met with thinly veiled, biting sarcasm. It's become annoying. Draining. Exhausting.

At the end of the day, neither of us can see what the other sees. I am trying to accept it and love a man for his kindness, his talents, his humor, his devotion, his loyalty. It's so hard.

The worst of it is that I can't turn to the man who should make me feel safe and tell him how scared I am. I'm scared for myself. I'm scared for my friends. I'm scared for him.

His family is not from this country. How long before they twist the definition of illegal immigrant for their own purposes? It's not so far off if not already here.

He used to joke about, "Papers please," when they talked about COVID vaccine requirements. How long before he hears those words because of the shade of him?

I'm scared and I cry alone. I can't show him how afraid this has made me. He won't understand. He'll think I'm ridiculous. It'll start another fight. I don't want this to be this hard. I thought I was stronger than this I don't want this to tear us apart. I have to keep it together. I just want to pretend that everything is fine. Hell, I just want to say fuck it and join the rest of my far right family, red hat and all. But that's not who I am. When did being me become so important? My guts are twisting around themselves.

Alright, well, back to it.