Disgusting love from lust?

I (32f) have always had a very addictive personality. From substances to sex and even masturbation, I was never able to enjoy things that made me feel good in moderation. I’ve always had the tendency to go overboard.

I’ve never considered that I’m a love addict but some recent events in my life have made me suspect it and in hindsight, it does check out.

I’m having a hard time disguising between being addicted to love or just extreme lust. And for me, love always starts with extreme lust. But just because I lust someone extremely, does it necessarily mean I’m falling in love with them too? I can only feel extreme lust when I’m completely besotted with someone’s mind. Their personality. Their intellect, sense of humor, idiosyncrasies, whatever.

So I don’t know… I have to already really really fancy someone to lust after them so extremely. I just don’t know how to tell what’s what. In any event, whatever it is, I’m addicted to the feeling. My relationships have always been very intense. I’ve left heavy marks on my ex partners by their own admissions. I know how to make someone feel amazing, like euphoria. But I also know how to make them feel immense suffering and I don’t really feel I have control over what side of myself I give someone on any one day.

How did you know for certain you’re a love addict? How do you separate it from lust when the lust has nothing to do with physical appearance or something superficial? Because at that point it feels like love to me.

This probably sounds totally fucked, I’m sorry.