Zazu Ranking
Inspired by some conversations in the Water Hole chat. Who better than me to undertake such a task??? Going from best to worst cause I think it's a little more surprising that way
#1: Original Zazu (1994)
No introduction needed. Beautiful, flawless, stunning, etc etc. 10/10
#2: Broadway Zazu
GORGEOUS re-design for the stage. Love the concept of him sitting on his performer's head and the performer's styling. The puppet's expressions are great. I want to own one. But when I saw the musical five years ago (...oof), it felt like he had even less to do than he does in the movie? Also Morning Report kinda sucks. 9/10
#3: Lion Guard Zazu
Doesn't show up often, but when he does they get him REEEAALLLY right. He's a lot less the punching bag that he is in basically everything else. Although he does keep some physical comedy moments, he's usually pretty respected in-universe, and I like to HC that Simba's given Kiara and Kion slight pushes to take it a bit easier on him. Really love the episode where he's, once again, accompanying Simba and Nala while they sing about being king on the way to see dead elephants, and I like to think he's thinking about how much they've grown. Also the lore reveal that, not only do elephants, chimps, and gorillas have their own language, but he speaks all of them?? Same with the Savannah Summit episode where he and Simba have that cute little song.
But his spotlight episode is really Really golden, it's obvious that whoever wrote it really loves him as a character. Him hopping into Makuu's mouth just to psych him out and play mind games with him??? I wish you could've seen my reaction.
My only complaint here is that there isn't more of him. I wish it was more apparent that he is/was a parental figure for Simba, and I really wish he could've been included, even non-speakingly, whenever the entire 'family' is present, like Bunga and the King or Scorpion's Sting. That's their uncle!!! Also wish he was as recurring as Timon and Pumbaa are, so he could interact with some side characters more. 8/10
#4: 'Mufasa' (2024) Zazu
So many things to love!! I love how silly he is and his little songs, I love his friendship with the rest of the gang, and his little facial expressions make me squeal. He's adorable.
But he unforunately doesn't get many serious moments like Rafiki does, they never reeeally show off his unique skills that he brings to the team (I kinda wish the snow thing had been his idea but Mufasa helped him find confidence or something?), and I wish his bestie-ship with Mufasa was more front and centre, although I do love making him Sarabi's gbf. I'm almost glad Timon and Pumbaa are so rough in this, because he would definitely be the most annoying character without them. 7.5/10
#5: 6NA Zazu
Obviously with a focus on How True Zazu, but I love that they gave him a little spotlight story!! I enjoy seeing how the other Pridelander animals feel about him, and what life was like pre-Simba. Him being gossipy is very on-brand, and a nice continuity moment from the detail we learn about Zuzu. Look at his happy little flutter here!! 7/10
#6: A Friend in Need Zazu
ADORE his proportions here!! So round!! Another good 'Other characters learn to appreciate Zazu's usefulness' story, and I love his annoying little persistence here, me af. Points off because Mufasa is a bit ooc and mean here, and it's not my preferred Mufazu origin story. I neeeed them to be childhood besties. 6.5/10
#7: Timon and Pumbaa show Zazu
His episodes are pretty good. Pretty in character, accounting for in-series wackiness. Love that the Gopher got to show up, but wish we saw him interact with T&P a bit. His voice and proportions are a bit weird sometimes. 6/10
#8: Comics Zazu
I enjoy how much they feature him in these things, he's usually a pretty major character (or maybe I just have filtration bias). Points off because they sometimes write him a little too mean (I don't think he would ever call Simb a 'brat' for one thing), and sometimes write him far too heterosexual....He Would Not Do That. 5.5/10
#9: Enchanted Tiki Room Zazu
I don't care if it was bad....I would have watched it.... Pairing him with Iago is a fun idea. I once saw art of the two of them in the style of the Ducktales reboot and have forever since been mad that they didn't show up in that show. Whoever arsoned this animatronic (sorry, WHiCHevER aCCidENTal Fire-) should've just sold it to me instead. 5/10
#10: Disney Villains: Scar Zazu
I enjoy his little bird scout friends. I like thinking about him having a very expansive spy scout network all over the Pridelands reporting back to him, and since they're all smaller birds or rodents they're all super scared of him. Points off for that cliff-hanger where they make it seem like he's going to have a bigger role in the story, more points off because they made it seem like that role was going to be a secret spy for Scar, even more points off for the nonsensical timeline. 4/10
#11: TLK 1 1/2 Zazu
2-line wonder. A pretty perfect movie but I think there was room to include him more, no?? Where is that scene where they bust him out of the cage??? His 'See how they kneel before the royal son' line did give me the headcanon that the bowing is a new thing for Simba's presentation though. 4/10
#12: DVD Menu Zazu
Love that he's here. Do not enjoy looking at him. 3/10
#13: TLK2 Zazu
Somehow has even less to do than in the original??? Couldn't have linked him up with Timon and Pumbaa for some gags? Or even Rafiki?? Touch on his relationship to Simba and Nala a bit??? No??? And for what? More Nuka?????
He's pretty much only an instant-messenger here, and that's my least favourite fandom-Zazu trope, so I'm blaming TLK2 for it.
Also, it was fine as a brief gag in the first one, but HAAAAAATTEEEE that human teeth are a permanent fixture of his design here. Eeeeeeeewwwwwww. 2/10
#14: TLK2019 Zazu
.....Don't even want to dignify it by spending too much time on him, but....man. So much less fun, so much more annoying... John Oliver shouts every line read. His relationship with Mufasa is so much more business-like and way less friendly and warm. He 100% should be calling out Scar's "I couldn't make it to the gorge in time!" thing and the lack of him doing so is kind of a huge plothole. He gets inserted into scenes where it seems like he's going to have something interesting to contribute, like when he's with Rafiki, or helping Nala escape, or how he's inserted into the scene where Simba makes a plan but...he never does?? He doesn't even react to Simba being alive??? He sees him and the energy is like, "Well well well! Look who it is!" As if this isn't the child of his best friend that he was responsible for suddenly come back from the dead???
Some mildly funny moments, expressions, and character details keep it from being a 0/10 but.....still. 1/10
Edit:
Realised you can't have more than 1 attachment in the comments so, here are the
Honourable Mentions
Tsum Tsum Zazu: 10/10!!!! LOOOOOVE
Broadway plush Zazu: 9/10. Love. I own two of these
Lorcana Zazu: 7/10. I'm happy he's happy. He should get to experience joy more often
Shoulder Perch Zazu Plush: 6/10. If it wasn't so weirdly-proportioned I would own nine of these
Disney Emoji Zazu: 5/10. .....okay.
Funko Pop Zazu: 4/10. Does not spark joy
