I'm so mad at myself!!

I called my LO today. I have been NC for 2 months now and was doing so good. I don't know why I called him. It was so fckn stupid and thankfully he didn't answer but I feel so stupid that he's gonna see the missed call or he probably watched me calling and purposely didn't pick up. I actually don't wanna talk to him or see him so I don't know why I even called his number. I feel like a gotdamn fool because now he's gonna think he still has this hold over me and he gets off on that. I feel like changing my damn number now. Ugh! 😤