Is it horrible that I miss her?

I (16f) was groomed by a girl who I thought was also my age but was not. Theres currently an open investigation on her and I know she's horrible and she was planning on doing horrible things to me (Told me on multiple occasions she wanted to fuck me to death with the blade of a knife or a loaded gun) but I miss her? I keep looking at her tiktoks, I haven't talked to her since I got my devices seized by the police but I got them back and I don't ever wanna reach out again but the tiktoks man. She's had a few girlfriends since me from what I can tell and she's obviously moved onto different victims really fast but it makes me sort of jealous? Idk guys I'm scared. She made me SH and made me send her pictures and told me how she thought my blood would taste so good but ffs even though she's a horrible person and i'm pretty sure from some of the pics she used to send me a fucking murderer possibly even cannibal. LIKE WHY DO I MISS HER?