The effect that the SDA beliefs have on family relationships is sad

Trigger warning: Abuse

First of all, I'd like to start this post by saying Happy Christmas to you all! Even though it's fallen on a "sabbath" this year, I hope you all have a peaceful day to celebrate and enjoy.

Unfortunately, it looks like my own Christmas isn't going to be so "happy". I'm a student right now and I live away from home but I decided to come back for the holidays. I spent most of Christmas Eve doing my own thing whilst my family had their devotional time downstairs. Once they were done, conversations started flowing and lets just say it didn't end well.

For context, I am bisexual (which is something I discovered after leaving the church almost three years ago). This past summer I ended my relationship with my first girlfriend and after some time, I realised that the relationship was quite toxic on both ends. Unfortunately, during the relationship my gf violated an intimate boundary (that's the only way I can phrase it without literally losing it) that took me a while to even realise and then process before I could even talk about it.

So anyway, a few days ago I told my younger sister about what had happened and she was really supportive. I won't go into too much detail, but I've been having trouble remembering the full incident and really doubting certain parts of it which makes me feel as if I am lying about it. I didn't go into too much detail with my sister either because she is only a teenager and the conversation we were having revolved around how pretty much every other girl we knew had something like this happen to them.

Afterwards I felt a bit bad for talking about it with my sister, so I told my mum. My mum was the first person I told and she'd been really supportive in helping me not doubt my memory and process some of the emotions.

well tonight she completely flipped.

My mum told me that she didn't want me telling my sister about "worldly" things. Ok, fine fair enough....but how is assault "worldly?". I told my mum that during the conversation I told my sister to let me know if anything I said made her uncomfortable or if she wanted me to stop talking about anything (but again I did not go into great detail with her). I guess I may have been wrong for sharing that with my sister. She's told me that she's glad I told her and that she wants to be there for me, but now I'm worried that I may have traumatised her in the future. So yeah, I think I was wrong for telling her.

My problem, however, is with what my mum said afterwards.

My mum basically changed her stance from believing me to straight up blaming me. Because I had, and I quote, "made the decision to get in a relationship with her" then I was responsible for what happened. My mum believes homosexuality is a sin, which provides context to that. My mum called it "promiscuity" and said that if it really happened I would have reported it to the police because I'm responsible for stopping her (?????) and that I'm just trying to be like my friend who was also assaulted in a relationship. She then told me that she didn't want to hear anything else about it and that she was "going to have to tell her therapist about all the things I've said".

What this has to do with Adventism links to a similar incident. One of my first posts on here was how the Adventist conspiracy theories terrified me as a kid and set me up for an ongoing battle with OCD and intrusive thoughts. When I tried to voice this to my mum, she told me that I was making her look bad and that I was going around giving people a bad impression of her (I had only told my then therapist and a close friend about it).

Thinking back to when I first told my mum she basically implied that because I hadn't abided by the Adventist values she had instilled in me (waiting for marriage) that it had happened. Because I choose to drink alcohol occasionally I had put myself in that position.

Sometimes I wonder how this would have gone if my mum wasn't Adventist. Would she maybe believe me then?