Had an unfortunate moment while shopping

I work in retail and while I’ve dealt with chronic disabilities most of my life, most of them are invisible. I recently had a medical issue that requires me to do seated because my condition becomes very painful after standing for extended periods of time. My work accommodated me with a rollator (4 wheeled walker with a seat). I look quite young so a lot of people have stared and inquired about my condition including strangers. Honestly, I feel embarrassed using it. I don’t need it to walk but I bring it around with me because sometimes I get caught in situations where I am stuck in one place and I’ve learned the hard way how painful that can be without a seat readily available.

Since I work at the mall and my employer is generously lending out their brand new rollator to me, I realized I could use it during my lunch break and get a couple errands done. It’s Black Friday weekend and I needed a couple things, I had a couple online pickups ready for 2 stores adjacent to mine. I also remembered I have a gift card for a certain candle & bath chain that happened to be right next to those 2 stores. I borrowed my store’s rollator during my lunch break and went to pick up my orders and use up my 5+ year old gift card.

First two pickups were fine (although I would say the second store was definitely not 100% ADA compliant, I had to lift my rollator to move through a “normal” walking space). Third store I first go to check my gift card balance and there’s a woman in a rollator with her dog. She commented on my rollator and we chatted a little while I pet her dog, then I got my gift card balance and picked a couple candles and a bag before getting ready to check out.

There were a couple women blocking the entrance to the line area and I asked if they were in line. They said no and shuffled a little to the side but were still blocking the way. I said excuse me and tried to wiggle my way through while they stayed in place. I was holding two small candles in one hand and a bag in the other (I don’t put items on the seat of the rollator because I’ve learned from work that they’ll just slide right off when I move around). One of the candles slipped from my hand and shattered on the ground. Everyone gasped and stared and I apologized profusely to the worker and she picked up pieces of glass while the ladies commented that she was doing it with her bare hands. I felt so stupid and helpless and like such a nuisance. She picked up the biggest pieces of glass and walked away but there were still little shards that I could see so I stood by the glass to warn people, but she didn’t come back to sweep it up. I was so worried about the woman with the rollator and the dog. I checked out and then went round to the woman (who was still at the register) and warned her to be careful walking on that side of the store because I broke some glass.

Anyway this was a long winded and sort of pointless story but I’m so frustrated. I’ve sobbed over the various ways this current ailment has hindered my daily life and I already feel so abnormal, I hate people staring at me and asking what’s wrong with me and I hate breaking things because of the rollator (I’ve broken parts of the paneling on a counter at work trying to navigate the rollator around tight corners). I can tell some people think I’m milking it or faking it or over exaggerating or it’s all in my head or something. And honestly, the complete lack of empathy or any sort of accommodating behavior from some people pisses me off bc is this really how you treat disabled people? You can’t step aside so I can roll into the line area? You can’t scoot your chair in toward the table so I can get to the microwave without having to walk all the way around the room? You’re gonna ask me to climb a set of stairs to grab your employee purchases when there’s like 5 able-bodied employees right next to us?

I just want to be normal and healthy. It feels so unfair. I already have so many health problems and now this… I feel like I must’ve done something to deserve it all. And I feel like I’m bitching and whining excessively. All my thoughts have been so negative since this medical issue started and I’m so miserable inside. Anyway thanks for reading of you did.

TL;DR: i asked some ladies at a shop if they were in line and they weren’t, they wouldn’t move aside so I could get my rollator(walker) through, I ended up dropping and shattering a product in the store. Feels shit.