I sometimes convince myself that people would be interested in my if I just opened up a bit.

I get in this cycle where I won't basically any social interaction for while. And it goes on so long that I forgot the reason. Then I start thinking that people would like me if I just opened up a bit. And I start to believe good things about myself. Then I try to reach out and open up and make friends. And I am quickly reminded that none of that's true. It doesn't matter how much I reach out, no one is going to be interested in getting to know me better. No one cares. If only I could remember this like it was fresh for the rest of my life. Then maybe I would humiliate myself again the next time.