My cat was hit by a car tonight.

The neighbours found her. They asked if I have a black fluffy cat. I saw her. She was already gone, instantly.

I wailed. Loud and hard. I didn't even realize I was doing it at first.

Then I did it again.

She was my baby and tomorrow I have to tell my three year old daughter what happened. She's so smart for her years, but I'm not sure how much she'll understand. It's going to suck.

You were my therapy after a long day. You were my late night cuddle partner. You were my wife and I's. You were my alarm clock.

You were Moonie.

I miss you so much.

Edit: I've receieved a few questions inquiring as to the nature of why she was outside, and yes, she was an indoor/outdoor cat. She had been from the time that she was about ten months old (we got her when she was 5 months). She made it clear early on that she was insistent on going out, to the point that she'd meow for hours and make every escape attempt in order to get out. For context, she would have turned eight in a few weeks. It wasn't really our choice, but she was insistent and persistent. We opted to let her roam, and the neighbours got accustomed to seeing her around. Other cats (clearly fed and housed) in the neighbourhood did the same.

We of course got her chipped, ensured she recieved all relevant indoor and outdoor applicable vaccinations, and regularly treated her with Nexguard to ward off fleas and other parasites.

We recently moved to a new, larger house (closed December 2024) in order for our daughter to have more room to play and have friends over. Previously we lived in a small 900 sq ft house at the end of a dead end street up about 4 houses from a moderate arterial road. Lots of small houses, old fences, and vegetation made it a bit of a paradise for her I'm sure. Moonie largely stayed inside over this winter, in due no small part to all the snow we got. Normally she's quite active outdoor in the winter as well.

This evening, we let her out after her dinner as per usual while we did chores around the house and got our daughter settled for bedtime. Moonie normally went out around this time, spends an hour or so (if that) outdoors, then would come back in to unwind and prepare for our/her bedtime. That obviously didn't occur this evening.

The house we bought is on a minor arterial road, about 5 houses up for a larger urban road. Cars don't tend to speed egregiously coming off the larger road, but with the ongoing thaw, they've started to more. Our new house has cameras facing the front and back (put in by the previous homeowner as part of the renovations). The front camera revealed a black pickup going down our street (fast but not absurdly so). Moonie was mid run coming from what looked to be the backyard of a house across the street and didn't slow down as she ran into the road, almost directly under the wheels of the pickup. The driver probably didn't notice and likely didn't see anything. I don't fault them at all.

I didn't enjoy watching the footage on the camera. It will stay with me likely for years to come. But I had to see it.

She was an experienced indoor/outdoor cat. She was not as experienced or accustomed to this area in comparison to our old one. I blame myself vehemently and have asked myself repeatedly if we should have consciously kept her indoors after moving to the new house (or well before that). This blame is tied and tangled with grief, anger, doubt, and terror at what I saw my loved one go through.

I am not here for sympathy. I don't use Facebook, have barely started using Bluesky, and hardly touch other forms of social media. I wanted to write something, anything, to get words in my soul and throat out. I wanted to scream. I did scream. I wrote down what I wanted to write and didn't care who read it or who didn't.

Take from this what you will, but I know in my core that she was happy, healthy, and loved. But now she's gone, and I have to live with that.