"Just?" Emotional neglect

Hi, I think I need your help. I'm fighting with my own mind for a while now and I can't seem to find a way out so...

Why do I stay with my partner when he continues to hurt me emotionally? Why do I keep holding on to hope when he tells me how much he loves me and promises to work on things so everything will be alright?

I want so badly for us to make it, but every time I try to resolve issues, stand up for myself, or work on our relationship, he says I’m just annoying him. He complains about always having to make sacrifices for me, always having to make the first step or having to comfort me when I’m "too emotional." He says he’s already doing so much, and what more could I want from him? He even asks why he should do more for me when he feels like I’m not doing enough for him.

I know I have my mistakes and I would never say I'm a perfect person, but I'm always giving my best, I really do! Everything I'm expecting from him, I'd do myself. I'm there for him when he has trouble at work, I don't do little on the housework and whenever there's something bothering him about me, I'm trying to change it.

He’s never physically hurt me or called me obvious insults, and as far as I know, he’s never cheated on me. There are quite a few differences in our Principles and issues in the way we interact with each other, that I'm willing to work on. But no matter what the issue is, it always ends up being my fault. I'm the one to blame.

If he starts an argument, throws accusations against my head, or behaves poorly in any way, it’s always justified! because he’s “right” and I have done something wrong, or its not his fault it made him angry, or he didn’t mean it the way I'm interpreting it.

When I bring things up, I’m “harping on it,” exaggerating I minor thing, or just "imagining things". I have no chance whatsoever! What I expect from him is "too much", and no matter how much I give, it’s never enough.

I’ve known for a long time that this might be a toxic relationship, and he’s probably a narcissist while I’m co-dependent. I also know that people like him don’t really change, can’t feel real love, and that I do deserve better than this kind of relationship.

Especially because I've struggled with my mental health in the past, and this environment is only making me sicker. I’ve worked on myself for years, been in multiple therapies and facilities where I’ve been told that none of this is my fault. that I’m a strong woman with an mental illness and I turn the effects of it inwards on myself whenever it shows, never on others. I know I would never hurt anyone on purpose, and I always try my best to prevent anyones pain.

So why do I hold on so tightly to this relationship? Why do I keep convincing myself that it’s not "that bad"? Every good day, every reconciliation, every small success, every f***ing Smile on his stupid face gives me hope that things will finally get better...

until he hurts me again, disappoints me with the same toxic behavior or pushes me away from him because he's just "not in the mood for this" or " don't wanna be bothered by this", and I end up crying alone somewhere until I fall asleep from exhaustion.

How can I know all of this and still not accept that I need to leave before it’s too late? How can I still love someone so deeply, even though they constantly disappoint and hurt me and they see no fault in themselves or show any desire to change? And I'm also being almost certain that what he feels, even if he says otherwise, isn’t real love?

Thankfully, we don’t have children, I’m not fully financially dependent, and I have a family I could rely on (in Case of emergency though). But he has been my whole life for the past SIX years! He's been there for me in many cases, brought me to new hobbies, our shared home (witch I moved to for him and I couldn't hold on my own), my first relationship, my first everything, so many good memories, and all my thoughts every single day. I’ve fought so hard for us.

I don't have any friends to talk to but I've so many questions! What should I do? Am I imagining things? Can someone relate? Can something like this really be saved? And if not, how do I break free of it alone? Is becoming fully happy in a relationship really impossible?

Thanks in advance for your help and wishing you all the best <3