Experts Warn: U.S. Immigration Problem Now a Reverse Crisis, Citizens Trying to Escape

With immigration numbers at an all-time low, the real problem now is Americans fleeing for greener, well, anything else—pastures.

Washington, D.C. — In a startling turn of events, immigration experts are warning that the U.S. is facing a “reverse crisis,” as citizens increasingly seek to flee the country due to overwhelming political chaos, economic instability, and rising existential dread. “We’ve officially solved the illegal immigration problem,” said one government official, “but now we have an entirely new issue—Americans can’t get out fast enough.”

Since the beginning of the year, record numbers of U.S. citizens have been trying to migrate to neighboring countries, with Canada and Mexico reporting unprecedented surges in requests for residency. In some border towns, American citizens have been spotted waiting in long lines at consulates, filled with desperation, and clutching passports that they’ve barely used in years.

"I just want to get somewhere where the Wi-Fi works and my tax returns aren’t political commentary," said Sarah Johnson, an accountant from Ohio, who recently submitted her paperwork to move to Vancouver. “Canada seems nice. It’s cold, but at least I won’t have to listen to people yelling about the national budget on Twitter every five minutes.”

In Mexico, the phenomenon is also becoming a major concern. "I thought I’d be offering sanctuary to immigrants from the U.S.," said Lucia Garcia, a Mexican immigration lawyer. "But now I’m advising my clients to brace for an influx of Americans who want to escape the constant news cycle. They’re coming for a better life—or at least one where they don’t feel like they’re living in a reality show."

Experts suggest that the current wave of reverse immigration could be a direct result of a combination of factors, including skyrocketing gas prices, a never-ending political circus, and the fact that many U.S. citizens are tired of paying taxes just to fund arguments on social media. “It’s no longer about the ‘American Dream,’” said one sociologist. “People just want peace and quiet, and maybe a few less reality TV shows disguised as legislative decisions.”

As for the government, officials are scrambling to address the new crisis. "We're working on a reverse green card program to try and keep some of our more talented citizens here," said one White House aide. "But it’s tough. Have you tried convincing someone to stay when they’ve seen firsthand what a whole nation of exhausted people looks like?"

In the meantime, some Americans are taking extreme measures. “I just want to get to a place where I can breathe without a headline attached to it,” said Tim Richards, a software developer from California. "At this point, I’ll take a spot in the Swiss Alps over staying here for one more congressional debate."

With no sign of this reverse migration slowing down, the U.S. government is considering launching a new ad campaign: "Stay in the U.S.—at least until we fix everything. Or don’t. We’re not stopping you."

For now, the immigration crisis in reverse shows no signs of abating—and experts are bracing for an influx of people who, after years of dreaming of freedom in the U.S., now just want to live somewhere that doesn’t make them cry every time they check the news.