Moscow, Russia – In a grand ceremony at the Kremlin, Russian President Vladimir Putin has officially named Donald Trump “Employee of the Month” after the former U.S. president’s latest confrontation with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

A golden bust of Trump was unveiled, featuring a plaque that reads:
"For Outstanding Service in Demoralizing Our Enemies."

The award comes after Trump and his VP, JD Vance, reportedly scolded Zelensky in a White House meeting, leading to a diplomatic meltdown that left Ukraine scrambling to secure U.S. aid. Russian state media hailed the event as "one of the greatest victories in modern warfare, achieved without a single Russian bullet."

Trump Responds: ‘A Tremendous Honor’

Upon hearing the news, Trump took to Truth Social to express his gratitude:
"I hear the Kremlin, great guys, fantastic guys, have given me a tremendous award. Best Employee! Better than Sleepy Joe ever got! Some say I’m the best friend Russia’s ever had, and you know what? Maybe they’re right!"

Trump also suggested that the U.S. should learn from Russia’s leadership model, praising Putin for his "strong decision-making" and calling the Employee of the Month system "something America should look into."

Republican Reactions: ‘Not a Big Deal’

While some Republicans scrambled to downplay the significance of the award, others embraced it.

• Senator Lindsey Graham called the honor “a great moment in American diplomacy” and praised Trump for “keeping our enemies on their toes by confusing them with erratic foreign policy.”
• JD Vance claimed the award was a “misunderstanding” and suggested that Trump was simply being recognized for his “strong negotiating skills”—before adding, “Also, if Putin is listening, I’d love a trophy too.”
• Fox News defended Trump’s recognition, with hosts arguing that “Biden’s never even been Employee of the Month at a Waffle House.”

The Kremlin Celebrates

To commemorate Trump’s achievement, the Kremlin released an official statement:
"We honor Donald Trump, a man who has done more for Russian interests than many of our own officials. His ability to sow division, create chaos, and undermine U.S. alliances is truly an inspiration."

Rumors suggest that a Russian military parade featuring a giant inflatable Trump balloon is being planned in Red Square, alongside a fireworks display spelling out “Слава Трампу!” (Glory to Trump!)

Zelensky’s Response

When asked about the situation, a visibly frustrated Zelensky simply sighed and stated,
"At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Trump asks to join BRICS."

Meanwhile, unnamed Ukrainian officials have reportedly begun Googling "how to apply for Chinese aid."

What’s Next?

Sources inside the Kremlin suggest that if Trump continues his stellar performance, he may be eligible for Russia’s highest civilian honor, the “Order of Lenin (and Also Mar-a-Lago)” by the end of the year.