Practicing the art of detachment sa bf ko rather than breaking up

Lately, napapansin ko na nag-iba na treatment sa’kin ng bf ko. He’s not as sweet as before. I can’t even remember the last time we hugged or said I love yous sa isa’t isa. It all started this year when we met again after months of LDR and not seeing each other. Bale we are now working in the same workplace but different departments so hindi rin kami halos magkita na.

I noticed how he won’t ask for my hand to hold hands anymore whenever we go out. I noticed how longer it took him to reply sa chat namin. Hindi ba baliktad? Now that the physical distance is gone, we’re now being emotionally distant. Hindi dapat ganun. Before kami magkita ulit, I opened it up to him na I noticed na parang nag-iba which he acknowledged naman and said na we’ll try to make it work. When we got together na ulit, he’s just different. I feel like he’s my boyfriend pa because of his presence but his actions? No. I know na walang third party. But it hurts to feel like he fell out of love sa’kin when I’m still here trying to hold on. Last year pa last naming labas together. Now, nakakalabas pa rin naman siya pag nag-aaya ang friends but it just hurts to know na hindi man lang niya ako maaya na magdate or kumain na kami lang. Nagtry naman ako magparinig pero di niya napansin and I don’t want to anymore.

Nakakapagod na pag alam mong hindi naman masama ang treatment niya sa’yo but he’s not even acting like a boyfriend. I want to break up pero nasasayangan pa rin ako kaya ngayon, I was just trying to detach. Nonchalant kumbaga. Whenever I would think of buying him something, inaalala ko yung worth ko. Would he do the same for me? Willing din ba siya na mag-off na sabay sa’kin para man lang magkatime kami? No. Kaya pinipigilan ko na lang ang sarili ko no matter how much I wanted to be sweet sa kanya. Hindi ko na i-oopen up ito ngayon sa kanya kasi he should know. He’s not stupid. He knows something is off. And napapagod rin ako. Gago na ako kasi hindi ko siya nicocommunicate pero not everything has to be said. Right now, I’m trying to focus on loving myself and trying to do things alone and not rely on him. Like how he is doing to me. I just have to let this off my chest kasi wala na talaga akong mapagsabihan. Mga friends ko lagi akong sinasabihan na makipagbreak na ako but it’s not as easy as it seems. It will just be more awkward at work and I also love his mom and she’s so supportive of us 🥹 and oo, mahal ko pa siya haha.