my failure, their satisfaction.

I am currently a 3rd-year MedTech student. This is not to brag in any way, but I’ve always been labeled as “the achiever”—the one at the top of the class, the one who always gets the highest scores. But that doesn’t happen all the time. And never once did I see myself as someone mighty or perfect. In fact, kahit pa sabihin ng mga tao sa paligid ko na “Kaya mo ‘yan” or “Ikaw pa?”, what they don’t know is that I constantly drown in self-doubt and pressure. I always worry about my acads kasi I badly don't want to fail any subject, given the complexity ng mga subjects sa course ko.

Today was supposed to be just a normal day. We had a short quiz, which I studied and prepared for. I did my best to get everything right, but I still fell short and ended up with a 4 out of 10. Of course, I felt bad—normal lang ‘yon. Hindi naman ‘to first time. I’ve failed many quizzes and exams before. Normal na ‘yan sa isang MedTech student. But what made me feel worse wasn’t the score itself—it was what two of my classmates, whom I also considered friends, said afterward.

One of them asked me a question I didn’t know the answer to, so I simply said, “I don’t know.” Then she replied, "Ha? Hindi mo alam? Parang minamalas ka today.” Later, when she found out my score, and she got higher than mine, she said, “What happened to you? I thought you can always outshine me.” Hearing those words after failing was frustrating. Then the other one added, "Ayan kasi, karma mo na ‘yan. Kanina nagpapatulong akong mag-review, hindi mo ko tinulungan.” Which isn’t even true. She was asking so many questions, and I tried my best to help her understand.

It felt like, all along, they saw me as competition—always comparing themselves to me, like they were just waiting for me to slip. Hindi lang ito unang beses na nangyari. Noon ding nataasan nila ako, their reaction was also like this. Instead of comforting me, they seemed to celebrate my downfall. Failing feels worse when you're expected to always win. As if failing once meant I had lost everything. My own parents never pressured me like this. As long as I don’t fail any subject and I’m still a scholar, then everything is okay for them.

I’ve always known that not everyone will be happy with my achievements, but I never thought that failure would be something others would celebrate. Nakakapagod. Parang it seems like at the end of the day, people will reduce me to a title. They don’t see the struggles, the sleepless nights, the sacrifices—only the scores and grades.

I never once used my achievements to belittle anyone. I never saw myself as better than anyone else. Kung may mataas akong score, masaya ako—pero hindi dahil may nalagpasan akong iba, kundi dahil nakita ko ang effort ko na nagbunga. That’s all it ever was for me. Pero sa iba, parang ang pagkakamali ko ay tagumpay nila.

People think being "the achiever” is all about confidence, but in reality, it’s a cycle of pressure, expectations, and self-doubt. The moment you fail, suddenly, everything you’ve worked for seems invisible. Lahat ng nagawa mong tama, natatabunan ng isang beses mong pagkakamali.

I know some people can relate to this feeling. And to you, I just want to say:

"You are not just what you achieve. You are not just what others expect from you. You are allowed to fail, to feel, and to be human."

***please do not post this outside reddit. thanks!