Hindi ikaw yung pinili

A month ago, someone I loved deeply told me that he no longer loves me. His exact words were, "hindi na kita kayang mahalin." He explained that he no longer sees a future with me and that he has been feeling that way for quite sometime now -we’re supposed to celebrate our 5th anniv this December- Despite his efforts to make our relationship work, he admitted that it's simply not working anymore.

Those words are probably one of the most painful I’ve ever heard. Hearing them from someone I loved so deeply was excruciating. Yet, I understand that I needed to hear them and that his words, as hurtful as they were, were something I needed to face.

Initially, he asked for space to find himself, saying he needed time to figure things out. A week later, I found out that he was already seeing the girl we had argued about before everything turned down south. After knowing that, I even begged him to stay away from her, but he insisted he couldn't. He couldn’t let her go, he was happy with her, and he wanted her to be his future, even knowing she might break his heart. That was when I realized I had to let him go and walk away.

I left Mindoro, his hometown, with a heavy heart. I'll never forget that day—the day I walked away. He was crying too, and it hurt me more than he’ll ever know. It was July 20, a Sunday, exactly one month ago today. It was also the last time I saw his face, held him, kissed him, & shared a meal with him. It was the last time I told him in person how much I loved him and that I was letting him go because I wanted him to be happy. It broke me, but it also made me.

I still feel sad and I still miss him from time to time, but I no longer feel the urge to reach out at every turn. I'm beginning to see that losing him might be a blessing in disguise. Losing him is probably one of the greatest blessings I've received this year (2024). I don’t think I would have been able to walk away from him, from our relationship myself no matter how draining it was for me. I was ready to drop everything for him. But losing him has made me realize many things: it opened my eyes, tested my faith, and made me stronger. Most importantly, it taught me to love myself and those around me more deeply. It taught me that the people who truly love me will always choose me.

So while I’m still not completely healed, I am continuously moving forward, I’m taking it day by day, step by step. One day I’ll get there. I’ll be happy soon enough. No more tears, no more self doubt. The best is yet to come 🫶✨