Guilt over sharing dark thoughts with others

I lived my life in a strange way in terms of maturity. From young until 16-17 I was relatively stable outwardly, despite being incredibly depressed/unhappy with my situation in an unhealthy home. Then from 17-23 I have been a roller coaster. Sometimes I am fine and sometimes I am completely disgusting in terms of telling strangers online that have nothing to do with me about my suicidal thoughts. There was a point where if someone would beat me in a game and taunt their win I would tell them my whole life story. "My parents hate me and I have no purpose here so I'm not surprised you won, even the suicidal hotline did not want to talk to me." Random messages like that which are completely inappropriate to send to a stranger given the mental baggage there.

I would say I am 8 months "clean" of this behavior and hoping to continue leaving it in the past but it does haunt me the affect I have had on others. I tried reaching out to apologize to some of them but I think the damage is already done. I feel really gross about how I handled my suicidal thoughts by lashing out at anyone who would listen.

I keep trying to move on but in my head I think I will always be a bad person for this. I wish more than anything I could undo all of it and never have overshared my mental health to strangers.