EBF baby won’t take bottle- started daycare & refusal/force fed

Hi everyone- my daughter is 6.5 months old. For the first two months of life, she would take a bottle of breast milk, but not from my husband. She would generally only take it from me (unusual, I know) or even my mom. After two months of BF and pumping to then bottle feed, I was overwhelmed and frustrated (also was suffering from severe PPD/PPA/PPOCD). I decided to give myself a 2 week break from pumping and bottle feeding.

At 3 months old, she completely refused the bottle (I think because she could see it and it wasn’t just automatic suck swallow). I tried having my husband give it to her then, my mom, my friends (I’m a pediatric occupational therapist who often works on feeding of all things- so many of my friends are in similar professions) but no consistent luck.

We saw lactation consultants and even had an official OT/SLP feeding evaluation just to see if they had any tips. Everyone kept telling us that we were doing exactly as we should and suggested the same tips (dip the nipple in milk, warm the milk, taste test milk before, different position, quiet area, wide nipple, change the flow etc.) I even started teaching her how to straw drink with a honeybear cup, but she’s not proficient yet and doesn’t get much volume- and if she tastes milk… she usually spits it out but will drink water. I have continued trying to give her one bottle a day just for practice… she will randomly latch onto the bottle and drink several ounces… 99.9% of the time she just chews on it.

I started her in daycare a couple days before I go back to work. Everyone was sort of just thinking she’d eventually just drink from her bottle. Day 1 she refused 2 bottles then they reported she took 2 3 oz bottles and ate the banana (mashed) I packed. Day 2 she started out taking 2 oz of her bottle right away then refused all day. However they noted she ate half the yogurt I sent. I was bummed but feeling optimistic she was taking it somewhat.

When I picked her up yesterday, she was hysterical. The teacher told me they tried their best to force as much into her but she strongly refused. The teacher elaborated on how they held her cheeks and squeezed milk into her mouth and also noted they had to “force feed” both the banana and yogurt. I was shocked and horrified. I cried in the car on the way home. As a therapist who often does feeding therapy, one of the main things I preach is not to force feed as it creates a negative association with feeding. I feel so incredibly awful.

When I got home I messaged the teacher and the director and asked to please not force feed her again (although I understood the need to get calories into her) and that we can work together to come up with a solution. I’m planning on trying different formulas in a bottle and straw cup tomorrow to see if she’ll take it since it’ll taste differently.

I’m at a loss and so panicked about going back to work starting Friday… with 10 hour days. She will be at daycare 3 days a week (my husband and I both work 4 days a week, 10 hours a day with different days off).

I texted my supervisor to let her know the situation. The daycare is 2 miles, a 6 minute drive from my work. Ideally, I’d nurse her in the morning, top her off at the daycare when I arrive, and then I’d like to go back for morning break, lunch, afternoon break, then I could nurse her when I pick her up. Our breaks are 15 minutes, so this would obviously run over. I work for the county, so they are very strict about time cards (if you are more than 6 minutes late you are required to use sick time). I cannot change my schedule to work less hours- the county is given funds for a specific position and the person hired for that position is tied to those hours.

I’m at a loss. Any suggestions and tips for how to navigate the situation with the bottle refusal/daycare/appropriately addressing this with my work would be really appreciated.