Starting to feel like sobriety is useless

I don’t even know y’all. I hit six months clean off of crack and heroin yesterday, and I’m still just as miserable as I was when I was using. I feel like the only difference now is I’m stuck with my feelings and have no idea what to do with them.

My first few months in recovery, I was feeling great. I had energy, I was going to meetings, going to the gym, eating right. Months four and five I started slowly going downhill. Feeling depressed and suicidal the moment I wake up. I’ve caught myself praying for death on multiple occasions. I don’t even have it in me to log onto a virtual meeting, so I’m sharing here.

Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated. I find myself almost resenting my sobriety as of lately. I can’t stand recovery, but I can’t bring myself to pick up either. Has anyone gone through this? Does it get any better?

** Edit 12/16

Thank you everyone for the encouraging words, I really appreciate it and needed to hear it all. I’m still clean and I’m grateful for that ❤️