Why am I so bad

I genuinely feel guilty for my nature, when I was not in a relationship I was craving for one(but I never asked or confessed to any girl) and then a girl asked me, but I never had feelings for her, it's just that she was nice by nature and she liked me so I said yes (because I believe to be with the one who loves you rather than being with the one whom you love) and now as I'm in a relationship I don't like talking to her, instead I don't like talking to any girl, neither I'm asexual, I'm a straight male but still I don't even feel sexually attracted to any girl or boy I don't even know what I want, but I feel that if I'll end this relationship firstly I'll hurt her and then I'll again crave for another, but again I don't want to hurt her because she is actually the girl whom every boy dreams of, she doesn't use insta, snap, or any other social media app she is very conservative and nice and caring she Pampers me whenever I'm sad, but I'm the biggest asshole who doesn't deserve this, I don't know what to do, I don't know what is wrong with me

I'm very much confused and feel like to run away from this stuff, I don't know who I am