I don’t know where to go from here

For context, my soon to be ex-wife and I started dating as teenagers and got married last year. We’ve been together for nine years total. She was my first everything, girlfriend, love, everything.

We’ve been working through a lot of difficult times in our time together. She has a lot of medical issues that required a lot of time and attention and we got through it together. I had a time where I was extremely depressed and suicidal and we got through it together.

Nine years brought a lot of wonderful memories and some not so wonderful ones as well. In the last six months, she ended up moving in with some friends because she was going through some stuff and felt that being there was the right step. I had to move back in with my parents because of how expensive our area is.

I feel like we’ve tried to fix our marriage for a long time, but earlier this week we met up, sat down and agreed that it’s time to move on. I don’t want this. She doesn’t want this, but we both need this. We’ve tried everything and our lives are just diverging into separate pathways.

I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do or feel. I can’t focus properly at work. I can’t sleep well. I feel like I’m going to be sick or start crying whenever I see a photo of her (which I’m trying to avoid) and I see her everywhere I go. We’ve lived in this town our whole lives and in the past nine years, we’ve made memories everywhere.

I just don’t want to lose the person I’ve spent my entire adult life with. I still love her so much but I know that this is for the best. I just don’t know what to do anymore.