There's a stigma against everything that works

That's basically my entire thought right now. I am in a really bad flare and just feeling like I cannot win. I'm thinking some of this is shame that I need to process for myself but some of it is definitely real.

I'm on medical leave and there's even a stigma against that! I lost one job for "your attendance and attitude" reasons a few years ago for using FMLA leave. I know I've made plenty of people at my current job unhappy with my "availability" being bad. (Again, actual official leave, not even just sick time, although that has been a whole other thing.)

Nothing works. Can't get (and don't want) narcotic meds but obviously there's a huge stigma there. I use a lot of cannabis. More than I wish I did (... like financially) but it is the only thing that helps. I'm starting to feel so much judgment and pressure about how "being a stoner is terrible for you" and how it's going to make me psychotic and how it makes everyone dumb and slow.

I take Xanax as prescribed and the general internet is very excited to tell me that benzos are addictive and the worst and going to give me dementia.

Oh also benadryl is going to give me dementia! But can any allergist figure out my shit, no!

I'm getting botox for migraines because it is basically my neurologist's last idea. After 5 years of constant migraine. I did 3 botox treatments in 2021 with no positive effect only the annoying side effect of feeling like crap after each treatment for a couple weeks. But my neurologist really wanted me to try again because I'm doing better on emgality now so I'm giving it a go. This was round 2 and I feel horrible.

I'm just so frustrated and also exhausted. I'm going to try to take a nap and get some rest. My fatigue has been utterly crap.