Source: The La Vista Church of Christ

Question:

I am a member of the Lord’s church and trying to help a coworker and friend. She has become dear to me, and we’ve studied the Bible a little. I hope to have more studies with her.

She has somewhat stumped me with a tough question. She was sexually abused as a child by her cousin. From the age of seven up until her mid-teens, she was raped and abused in other ways by him. He told her that he would kill her if she told anyone. She said she knew about God at an early age from going to church and knew to pray to Him for help. She said as a child, she would pray to God while her cousin abused her for God to help her and to make him stop. She does not understand why God did not intervene. She begged God to make it all stop. The abuse continued for years.

She finally told everyone at the age of 18, and it completely split her family. Half believed her, and the other half did not. She loved her aunt (the abusive cousin’s mom) so much that she agreed to drop the charges if they paid for her to see a counselor.

When she dropped the charges, everyone said, “I knew you were lying.” Anyway, for her dad’s sake, she felt she needed to try to drop the issues and move on. Now, in her thirties, she is furious that she never got justice and that her cousin is married with a son. They all go to church, and he’s living his best life. Unburdened by how he ruined her life. Every single day, she deals with PTSD triggered by anything that reminds her of his abuse. I explained that God promises that vengeance is His alone and that He will take care of the evil her cousin caused.

I explained that Job demanded answers for his sufferings, and God explained that Job would not have been able to comprehend the answer if God had given him one. However, this review of Job does not satisfy her. She says she cannot have peace or closure until she understands why God allowed this to happen to her as an innocent child.

She said she tried living for God and doing everything right but felt even more tormented by attending church, so she eventually decided, "Why bother."

Can you think of a better approach for me to explain why God did not come to her rescue? This has by no means caused my faith to waiver, but it does break my heart that she felt abandoned by God at such a tender age.

Thanks for all of your hard work. I pray that God will give you the strength to continue answering these difficult questions. Hopefully, other trustworthy church leaders will also be able to help you. God bless your efforts!

Answer:

We know what God thinks of those who abuse children: "But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!" (Matthew 18:6-7). What happened to your friend was horrible and unjust. But let's not lose sight of the fact that the crimes and injustice came at the hands of people acting contrary to God's clear commands.

However, did you notice that Jesus said, "It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come"? Everyone demands to know why God doesn't prevent sin, but God stated that things that cause sin will inevitably come.

Why?

1. God created men with free will. We are not animals who run on instinct and are limited in their options. This means that some men will choose to sin despite God's warnings (e.g., Cain in Genesis 4:6-8).
2. If people were prevented from sinning, there wouldn't be free choice. If God prevented child abuse, what about spousal abuse, abortion, murder, theft, etc.? Where is the line drawn? I guarantee that wherever you draw it, there will be people upset that the sins done to them were not included. God wants people who freely choose to serve Him, which implies that people must have the option to freely not serve God.
3. The reason there are commands against sins, such as child abuse, is because God understands there will be people who will choose to go against God. The warning against a sin implies that the sin will happen.

As much as we hate sins like rape and child abuse, the sad reality is that people are going to choose to do these evils -- it is inevitable. Not because God is unjust or incapable of dealing with sin but because men abuse their free will to commit atrocities.

Why didn't God wipe out these sinners shortly after they committed their crimes?

1. We must remember that God wants people saved. Not just good people but even formerly wicked people. "The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance" (II Peter 3:9). That means people are given time and opportunities to change.
2. Since all of us have sinned (Romans 3:23), we all have experienced God's mercy because we were given time and opportunity to change. If we receive mercy, we are expected to extend mercy (Matthew 18:21-35). Not to excuse anyone's sins, but so that there is some understanding; far more often than not, people who commit sexual sins on children were victims of sexual abuse themselves when children. Unable to handle the thoughts of what happened to them, they act out in a variety of ways -- including repeating the crimes done to them on others. They are still responsible for their bad choices. What they do is still horrific. However, there may be more behind the crime than you know -- but God knows.
3. Even when someone receives punishment for their sins in this world, it won't erase the memories of their victims. They still need to find a way to deal with them. One way is to realize that other people's sins do not define who you are. You have free choice as well, and you can choose not to carry a victim's mentality with you for the rest of your life.
4. There is a remote possibility that the man who did these horrible crimes has changed. I can, at least, hope it is true for his soul's sake. I know some can change. I've helped some work through those changes.

It needs to be emphasized that your friend did not sin; she was the victim of another person's sins. We rarely understand the full reasons why we experience the things we have suffered, but we have a choice in how we will respond. We can let the experience destroy us, or we can let it force us to grow strong. "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing" (James 1:2-4). Notice the "let." The result of suffering is up to you and not the oppressor.

Response:

Thank you for replying and for the insight you have provided. I will do my best to encourage her.