Help.

I fell in love with a boy when I was 10. We grew up in the same friend group. When he got his wisdom teeth out, he told his mom he loved me since the day he met me. He dated other people during middle school and high school, but always emotionally cheated on them with me. This always ended in the girl making him block me (obviously) and long periods where we wouldn’t speak. I developed severe depression, anxiety, and OCD before college which wrecked my ability to ever be with him (or anyone) seriously. He then lost his virginity to my friend, who we both went to high school with. We lived separate lives for years but always came back to each other. He then started dating said friend. They broke up and he told me it should’ve been me that he lost his virginity to and that the world failed us by us never dating. I wholeheartedly agreed. Two days later, they got back together. I found out from Facebook. He didn’t even have the balls to tell me. A few months later, I saw him at our childhood friend’s wedding. It ended in a huge dramatic scene because me and him got too drunk and flirty. That was two and a half years ago. I haven’t spoken to him since. He deleted me on all social media, deleted my phone number, doesn’t even so much as wish me a happy birthday. They got engaged a year after the wedding and married four months ago. Any normal person would call this a clean break. But, I still think about him every day. He’s in my dreams, my thoughts, my heart. I knew him so long that he is threaded into me. I wish I could get rid of him forever, but our parents are best friends still. I have to see him at weddings and in the next few weeks, a funeral. I deleted his number of course, but his phone number was the first one I ever memorized. It wont leave my brain. I am so angry that we didn’t work and just want to be over him for good. He was truly my fairytale I always dreamed of. I know I still love the thought of him, and perhaps not who he is today. But it’s like a scar I can’t get rid of that keeps reopening. I am 27 now and still never dated anyone. I feel like the only way to describe this is the Taylor Swift song “loml”. He is truly the loss of my life. I can’t and won’t wreck a home. But I can’t picture a future that he’s not in. I wish I could cut every string tied to him, but that will never happen. He’s still present in my friends, my family, and years of memories. I even moved states before him and his then fiancé moved back home. There has to be something wrong with me. I can’t stop loving him.