Why it's so hard to leave a BPSO

My experience and a lot of other people's experience are, when your BPSO is stable, they are literally everything you want in life. They become your soulmate, the person you want to build a life with. You start building that life, then in an instant an episode hits and they destroy your relationship. You stick with them, go through that hell, and maybe get back together after the episode. Your relationship goes right back to how it was before, you are the happiest you have ever been, then boom, another episode happens and they break up with you.

I know for me, I was guilty of only looking at my BPSO in those good times. I knew how she was when stable is the true person she is, and that person is amazing. But I forgot about the sad reality there is that other side to her. There's the side where she has episodes, treats me like total crap, breaks up with me out of nowhere, and says and does horrible things. She literally breaks my heart in a million pieces when she does that.

I always said I would never give up on her. But after what she's done in these 3 months of being manic, I have given up on her. I always thought I could fix it, but I can't. Even if she gets stable, it's still almost certain an episode will happen again. I can't live with that instability in my life. When I think about all the negative of the episodes and how I can't trust her, it far outweighs the good.

This is a heartbreaking reality. I pray for her daily that she will find the help she needs. I wrote a long post about things that could save your relationship with your BPSO. I think those things can work if the BPSO is 100% committed to treatment, but sadly if they are not, there's nothing you can do but walk away and save yourself.

Bipolar is a cruel disease.