Advice that can save your relationship with your bipolar spouse
If you are like me, you found this subreddit because your bipolar spouse entered an episode. The bad news is during an episode, there's nothing you can do but try to keep them calm. They will likely break up with you and stay broke up until the episode passes. You can try to get them to get help, but they more than likely won't. If they are manic, prepare yourself for them to say and do a lot of crazy things, including them entering a new relationship with someone else right away.
If your relationship survives the episode, whenever your spouse is stable, that is when you MUST go to work on these things. Don't ever get complacent because they get stable and think an episode won't happen again, because it absolutely will. Here are things you can do to save your relationship in the future:
- Commit yourself to their treatment. You have to be involved in this 100%. Make them sign off where you can talk to their doctor and therapist. Put something in place to monitor their meds to make sure they are taking them. Watch when meds are changed and the effect that has on them.
- Know the triggers. Episodes are usually always triggered. Research the triggers. Think about things that happened before your partners last episode. Also look for seasonal patterns in episodes. Try to remove as many triggers as possible. You won't be able to remove them all, so know when a trigger happens, or it's a certain time of year, to watch for signs of an episode.
- Read the book "Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder" by Julie Fast. This book goes through a great plan of how to manage bipolar with your partner. Have your partner go through it with you. Reading this book can save your relationship if you both commit to doing the plan in the book.
- Team up with a family member. If your spouse has a close family member/friend that is familiar with their bipolar, you need to connect with this person that way you can work together to monitor symptoms and if your partner starts to go into an episode, this partner can help you with that. Sadly, when they go into an episode they want to break up with you and anything you say is comprehended by them as you just trying to talk them out of breaking up.
- Make a contract. You will learn about this in the book, but make a contract that recognizes symptoms of bipolar and have your spouse sign it to agree not to break up with you anytime those symptoms are present and up to 6 months after the symptoms are present. Make your spouse understand in the contract that if they do, the relationship is over for good.
- The key is in the early stages. Recognize the small signs of an episode getting to start and immediately have a plan in place to get help from their doctor and therapist. Mania/Depression comes on so quickly, you don't have much time to react to try to reverse/limit the episode before they are full blown into it. Once they are full blown into it, there is nothing you can do.
- Social media. Try to put something in place with your spouse that when signs of an episode first start to show, they agree to delete social media apps temporarily. From my experience, social media fuels mania and is an avenue for them to quickly enter a new relationship/cheat on you.
I wish everyone the absolute best. So you know my story, my bipolar spouse broke up with me during a depressive episode in the winter. It only lasted about a month being broke up, then we got back together after she got into therapy and taking meds. She was doing so well, I thought an episode would never happen again. But it did. It was triggered by some events and the seasonal pattern of going into summer. She broke up with me 3 months ago and has done a lot of hurtful things, including starting a new relationship. I feel all of that could of been avoided if we would of done the things above while she was stable.