Recently got married and husband's phone addiction is ruining the relationship
I (F32) have been with my partner (M34) for 6 years and we got married 8 months ago. I'm not a huge fan of social media in general (I see the irony of posting this to Reddit) but my partner has always used it since the beginning of our relationship.
It didn't bother me that much at the start because spending time together was a novelty and we both gave each other our full attention for the time that we were in each other's company. Since we moved in together three years ago, I've noticed his habit of checking his phone all throughout the day is almost compulsive. He'll check it first thing in the morning before acknowledging me, he'll take it into the shower with him, have it at every meal and even be glued to it when we're out and about in public. I've tried to raise my concerns in a calm way but he has accused me of being controlling in the past when I asked that we have no phones at meal times (for both of us) and generally gets defensive when I bring it up.
I'm not going to lie, it's definitely started to breed a lot of resentment. The straw that broke the camel's back for me was when we went on our honeymoon a few months ago and the behaviour didn't stop at all. We were on the plane literally about to take off - well after the announcement had been made to switch phones off/to flight mode - and he was still incessantly sending messages. It got worse from there; we landed at our destination about six hours later (it was an overseas trip) and he immediately ran for the phone shop to buy an international SIM card. He couldn't even wait until we made the 20 minute drive to the hotel, where I told him we'd get free wifi. The rest of the trip was about the same, we couldn't have a meal or a drink at the bar without him having to document the whole thing on social media and then ignore me whilst he told everyone what a perfect honeymoon we were having and that it was the best trip of his life. At one point I didn't realise he was recording a video and spoke in the background. He was so annoyed, tutted at me and started the recording again. One evening I planned a romantic bath in the hotel room and he brought his phone in with him. The constant posting felt so performative and being made to feel second priority on our literal honeymoon broke my heart.
He's otherwise a pretty great partner; he's caring, works hard and has a good relationship with both his and my family. Sometimes I feel like I'm overreacting, but then I went back and read this post and realised how unhealthy his social media habits are.
I'm not really sure if I'm after advice or just wanted to get this off my chest to be honest. If anyone has been in a similar situation, how do you cope with it? I'm at the end of my tether with this. I love him deeply but feel like I'm competing with his phone and I'm not sure whether I can put up with this being the dynamic of my marriage.
EDIT: To everyone who left genuine advice, shared a similar experience or left a message of encouragement - thank you. I've not been able to leave a reply to each indiviual comment, but please know I read them all and really appreciate the time and thought you put into replying. You've given me a lot of food for thought and some great ideas on how we can tackle my partner's phone addiction together.
For those that left a "you knew but married him anyway?" comment: yes, yes I did. And I don't regret my decision at all, because he's a lot more than this phone addiction and I'm confident it's something we can work through. People can change; his addiction slowly progressed over the years and my acceptance of it and boundaries around it did too - both of those things can be true, we're not infallible people! I implore anyone who left that kind of comment to reflect on what exactly they were hoping to achieve from it, other than by shaming me for sharing an incredibly vulnerable (and common) experience.