Anyone having intense fear of going crazy that affect your daily life?

For context: I have been diagnosed with illness anxiety disorder coupled with series of bad panic /anxiety attacks and dpdr.

I think my fear started when a family member who went missing (still missing to this day) 10 years ago. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia in her 40s which traumatized me scares me even more because I’m already in my mid 30s. Ever since then I have been hyper focused with all of the symptoms I have been experiencing. First, I been having loud intrusive thoughts or voices in my head which I already disclosed with my psychiatrist. This has caused me distraught and has become one of my major triggers. The voices in my head aren’t commanding; they were more like listening to inner monologue of different people. Some were familiar voices; voices of family members, voices from characters of series I’m currently watching. Lines from movies or song. Sometimes I hear this scary monstrous scream (all in my head) but which my mind can somewhat change(?) example: if I hear a monstrous roar, I will trick my mind into hearing a puppy bark. I also mentioned with my psychiatrist that I often hear them when I about to sleep specially in between sleep and consciousness. It also happens when my anxiety or panic attack is at or when I anticipate a panic attack.

Other symptoms that trigger a full blown panic episode are listed here:

-Trouble sleeping/insomnia -Excessive worries and obsession about developing schizophrenia, psychosis at hallucination. -Disturbing intrusive thoughts and flashing scenarios, images in my head. Example: Acting crazy in public, hurting my dog, licking dirty floor which triggers a major panic attack. -I grew in a toxic environment that’s why I have a lot of pent up anger as a result, i develop a physical and verbal aggression (but this is more like a reaction when I am deeply upset, hurt or offended) toward my family. This has become some sort of a defense mechanism for me bcos was never aggressive with other people and I can control my emotions and anger when I’m with others but I easily snap at my family. I’ve seen this behavior in my other family members bit they were more on verbal aggression than physical though. -Believing symptoms online like My mind automatically believes every symptoms I see online For example: when I read that aggression is early sign of schizophrenia my mind automatically thinks i have early symptoms. And that triggers a series of bad panic attack and anxiety for me. - when I get confuse over something or if I question my symptoms, my brain automatically thinks I’m having paranoia which triggers a full blown panic attack. -my brain always anticipate something bad is going to happen. For example: flashing disturbing images or scenarios of me acting crazy in public or being locked up in an asylum. -During or at the peak of my panic anxiety episodes, my mind trick me into believing that everything around me isn’t real. I feel like I was in a simulation and my brain would automatically think that I am having psychosis break or hallucination. -I get easily overstimulated by my surroundings. For example: When I get too absorbed by a series I’m watching my mind would trick me that they were real scenarios and would try to convince me it was real. Note: this was more on sensation. The sensation that it was real. -I get trigger when I hear the word schizophrenia, psychosis, paranoia and hallucination. Or when I accidentally watch a movie or docu that tackles them, it cause me fear and anxiety.

I plan to seek another psychiatrist and start medicating again but the problem is I’m not financially able to support medication and psychiatrist. So what I do is whenever I am having episodes, I write everything down. Like when it happened including date and time. What could’ve triggered it, what i’m doing when it happened. What symptoms I felt. I write it all down so I can monitor changes. And i help me feel grounded and sane at the peak of my episodes. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t. So hopefully someone can give me CBT that can help me during my intense fight or flight response.