Struggling to Move On from a Long-Term Relationship After My Boyfriend Cheated. Any Advice ?

TDLR: Struggling to move on after my boyfriend secretly used dating apps for years while we were in a committed relationship. He made profiles from 2020 to 2024, even while we were fighting. I don’t know if this qualifies as cheating to others, but it does to me, and I can’t get past the betrayal. How do I cope and move on?

Hey everyone,

I’m ( 23 F ) going through a really tough time right now. I’m coming out of a long-term relationship (we were together for over 7 years starting from 2018 ), and I feel completely lost. I never expected things to turn out like this, and it’s hard to let go of all the dreams and plans I had for our future together.

He ( 23 F ) made some choices during our relationship that really hurt me, including hiding things and creating profiles on different dating apps ( he says he didn't use them ) dating apps ( since 2020 ) behind my back for four years. Even though he says that he never made profiles on several apps to date but it was just out of curiosity, I can't just shake it off. He even used one of those apps in February 2024 while I was in a different city for work and then again in July 2024 when he was is a different city for his job. He used used it a day before our fight and again while we were fighting because I caught him lying and hiding things from me about a woman he met on his flight. Even though we fought about these issues, I was always trying to make things work. He expects me to treat him the same way, but after everything that happened, I just can’t.

I really wanted this relationship to work, so I gave him a second chance when he asked me if we should end it all or try to restart. In a vulnerable moment, I chose to restart, thinking I could forgive, forget, and move on. I thought it would be okay over time, but it’s just not happening.

Now, I feel like I love the memories of what we had, not the person standing in front of me after everything that happened. Yes, I still love him, and I still care, but I can’t ignore the fact that he hid multiple dating app profiles and even used them in 2024 while we were fighting. The fight was about another woman, and he lied to me about her and hid things from me.

This was the last straw for me. I can’t continue to live in a relationship without trust, and now, I’m constantly wondering what he’s hiding. What if he’s talking to someone else right now? What else is he lying about? I can’t live like that. And it’s breaking me. I feel like I might d*€ and the last time I felt like this was when my father passed away 2 years ago :)

Has anyone gone through something like this, breaking up after such a long time? How did you cope? What helped you heal, and how did you move on from the betrayal? I know no advice is going to make it all better, but I would really appreciate hearing how other people have navigated something similar.

Thanks for listening. It means a lot.